Grief
Grief is a normal response to the loss of someone important to us, but sometimes the intensity and symptoms of our grief leave us bewildered or overwhelmed.
Among the many symptoms of grief, we may experience memory loss, uncontrollable tears, numbness, inability to sleep, hallucinations, or even a sense that somehow we are not real. We expect to be able to "manage" our grief, and it is frightening to wonder if maybe we can't.
As our mourning continues, others may begin to hint that we should try to "move on," and if that isn't happening, we may feel shame as well as grief. In some circumstances, we may also feel confusion and guilt if we realise that our feelings include anger toward the person who has died; or relief or a sense of betrayal.
In most cases, the symptoms of grief eventually ease, and although the pain remains, our suffering diminishes as we find ways to re-engage with life and with others. Psychotherapy is not necessary for normal grief, but if you are afraid that your grief may not be normal, a session with a therapist can help answer that question.
Grief is not depression. In grief, we feel bereft and our world feels impoverished. In depression, we feel that it is we ourselves who are empty, unworthy, and deficient. Grief can become depression if we do not allow ourselves to mourn, which involves several concurrent tasks achieved gradually over time: accepting the reality of our loss; feeling (not avoiding) our pain; adjusting to changes to our daily lives, to our sense of who we are, and to our assumptions about the world; and finding ways to maintain an inner connection with the person who is gone while re-investing in interests and relationships.
If you are worried about your feelings, try to find someone to talk to, ideally someone who will listen rather than trying to distract you or cheer you up. If, after you have mourned for some time, it begins to seem to you that you will never again be able to live a normal life, it may be appropriate seek a therapist's help in finding ways to honour and bear your pain while opening your heart to new possibilities for pleasure and connection.
Among the many symptoms of grief, we may experience memory loss, uncontrollable tears, numbness, inability to sleep, hallucinations, or even a sense that somehow we are not real. We expect to be able to "manage" our grief, and it is frightening to wonder if maybe we can't.
As our mourning continues, others may begin to hint that we should try to "move on," and if that isn't happening, we may feel shame as well as grief. In some circumstances, we may also feel confusion and guilt if we realise that our feelings include anger toward the person who has died; or relief or a sense of betrayal.
In most cases, the symptoms of grief eventually ease, and although the pain remains, our suffering diminishes as we find ways to re-engage with life and with others. Psychotherapy is not necessary for normal grief, but if you are afraid that your grief may not be normal, a session with a therapist can help answer that question.
Grief is not depression. In grief, we feel bereft and our world feels impoverished. In depression, we feel that it is we ourselves who are empty, unworthy, and deficient. Grief can become depression if we do not allow ourselves to mourn, which involves several concurrent tasks achieved gradually over time: accepting the reality of our loss; feeling (not avoiding) our pain; adjusting to changes to our daily lives, to our sense of who we are, and to our assumptions about the world; and finding ways to maintain an inner connection with the person who is gone while re-investing in interests and relationships.
If you are worried about your feelings, try to find someone to talk to, ideally someone who will listen rather than trying to distract you or cheer you up. If, after you have mourned for some time, it begins to seem to you that you will never again be able to live a normal life, it may be appropriate seek a therapist's help in finding ways to honour and bear your pain while opening your heart to new possibilities for pleasure and connection.